I’ve been trying to find an analogy that aligns with this experience. For the past six months or so – I’ve been trying (and failing) to reintegrate with my workplace since being away on leave last summer into the autumn. I’m sure I’ll write out that tired tale some other time – not yet.

It’s a strange thing this reckoning with oneself – you basically have to remove your brain, examine it thoroughly, take it apart, tinker with the broken bits, and then try to put it back together. But nothing fits right anymore. Your frontal lobe has run away from the parietal lobe. Your temporal lobe is on vacation. Your hypothalamus is on strike. Your cerebral cortex is on cocaine, and don’t even get me started on the basal ganglia.

But that’s not the analogy I’m looking for. This one is more about the reintegration with other humans. Solitude is easy. People are not.

And it’s not that I don’t like people – I do. There are some I even like a lot. Some I even love. I just find that when navigating the social dance – I have two left feet (as a lefty though – perhaps it should be two right feet).

I am finding it particularly challenging in the workplace (which is thankfully at home) but some interactions are necessary. I miss things – nuance, social conventions, vague hints, and unclear instructions. I don’t miss small talk but then who would?
But I struggle to find ways to express this. It’s quite frustrating and I find analogies can be helpful. Which brings me to the analogy:

You remember that old joke about the guy who goes to the doctor, raises his arm up in the air, and says: Doctor – every time I do this it hurts.

And the doctor says: So don’t do that.

But instead of that being the end of the joke – when the guy goes outside with his arm down, everyone looks at him in horror. So he’s walking around with his arm down and he can’t figure out why everyone is staring at him. Until he notices that there aren’t a lot of people with their arms down and on top of that – he can’t understand a word they’re saying.

Now that I’m writing this out – perhaps it’s not the right analogy after all (and it’s running out of steam fast). My cerebral cortex must have started early. I’ll keep searching.